Arranged Marriages and Dowry

We are all familiar with the story : boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy and girl gets married. For the majority of the western world, this is our ideal of a great beginning to a perfect marriage. It is important to realize that while India is very modernized in some aspects (i.e.. they lead the world in student's math and science scores and produce the largest amount of engineers in the world) they still keep to the tradition of arranged marriages. Marriages formed out of love AKA "love marriages" do happen in India but it is not the norm. It is an accepted fact that a person's family will play a role in picking the marriage partner.
While to many people raised in the west, this might sound odd. It is important to remember that in Indian society an arranged marriage is seen as an act of love. Since marriage is one of the most important decisions a person will ever make and because divorce is not accepted among most Indians, it is imperative that the marriage choice is carefully thought out and planned. How can a young person make such an important decision on his/her own? Instead, the family (usually the parents) look for certain traits in a marriage partner. Some desirable traits looked for in both male and female are: matching levels of education, matching cultures, close parental cities, matching religions, and matching vegetarians/non-vegetarians just to name a few.
Potential bride-grooms come under close scrutiny for several areas of the matching process. Do they have enough means to support the bride? Do they appear to be men who will make good husbands and fathers? Often, the bride will live with her in-laws after marriage in what is called a joint family. Because of this, the groom's family is also brought under close scrutiny. Do the women of the household seem well cared for? Do they have a big enough house for another person and grandchildren? Does the family have a good reputation?
Potential brides also come under scrutiny by the boy's parents. Since it is a commonly held belief that brides are the embodiment of that family's honor and pride, the girl must be from good family and have good manners. She should be respectable and have no taint on her name. Does she have the makings of a good wife and mother? Does she want to work after marriage or stay at home? There are so many factors to weigh, that I can not list them all.
Often, this turns into an interview process where photos are provided of the boy/girl in question along with bio-data about his/her life and family. If that meets with approval, arrangements will be made for the parents to meet the boy/girl and their family. Traditionally, however, the bride and groom would not even see each other until the day of their wedding. Today, while most marriages are still arranged, times are changing. There is usually a small courtship period where the bride and groom can meet and talk under the careful watch of a guardian. Also, if either one of the two do not want the marriage, it is likely to be cancelled. Very few family's today "force" marriages upon their children.

Seven Signs He's Marriage Material

Thinking about settling down sometime soon? Hoping a husband and kids are just around the
corner? If this is the case, you may need to evaluate the man you're dating to see whether he's the right one to build that life with. Some guys are just not ready to even consider the transition into married life. If you are anxious and ready to begin the next phase of your life, make sure your relationship has the potential to lead to marriage, so that you are not wasting your time. Here are seven signs that will show you that your boyfriend is "marriage material":

1. He keeps a tidy home.

If you go over to your boyfriend's apartment and there are clothes everywhere, dirty dishes piled as high as the ceiling, and a giant health code violation for a bathroom, he might not be ready for the demands of keeping up a home. He may just need a little motivation to clean up, but if it's like pulling teeth to get him to run a vacuum, he may not be marriage material quite yet.

2. He is financially responsible.

Starting a life together takes a lot of money, from paying for a wedding to buying a house, and you need to know he'll be able to budget for all the upcoming expenses. A man who is marriage material should have savings and a plan for paying off his debt, avoid excessive frivolous spending, and have a solid idea of where his money is going each month.

3. He has mentioned his future children.

I'll never forget when I was just getting to know my husband and he made the comment, "My kids will never..." I don't even know what the end of the sentence was, but what mattered to me was that he saw kids in his future. If your boyfriend has never even mentioned future children, but you want to have kids, he might not be the right man for you to marry.

4. He has made sacrifices for you.

Marriage is all about selfless sacrifice. A great sign that your man is marriage material is that he has, at some point, chosen you over something else. Whether that means he went to your drama production instead of his poker night, or he got up on Sunday morning to go to church with you when he was battling a hangover, he needs to show that he is willing to compromise and give of himself in your marriage.

5. He is not too attached to the "bachelor lifestyle."

If you feel like your boyfriend spends an inordinate time at the bar with friends, littering the floor of his living room with beer cans, and engrossed in video games, he might not be ready to give up his bachelor lifestyle. On the other hand, if he doesn't have a problem giving up a Saturday night to help you fix your garbage disposal, he might be marriage material.

6. He treats his mom well.

Growing up, my mom always told me to watch how my boyfriend treated his mother and that would show how he would treat his wife. If your husband is patient with, considerate of, and kind to his mom (assuming she is a caring mother who is still in his life), he will probably be the same with you.

7. You can trust him to do what he says he'll do.

You've got to be able to count on your man to do the things he agrees to—especially when you throw things like paying bills and caring for children into the mix. If he seems to consistently "forget" to do the things you ask, he might not be marriage material.

Even if your boyfriend doesn't meet all of these criteria, you need to know that your he at least believes he will get married someday, that he's on track to leaving bachelorhood behind, and that he can see his future wife being you. Evaluating him based on these seven signs is a good place to start, but initiating an open, honest, and ongoing conversation about your future would be an even better way to find out whether he's "marriage material" for you.